The Warm Hearth

hearth.jpg

A warm hearth

is a shelter,

a place that draws us in,

invites us to sit a while.

 

Its humble strength

allows us to come together,

to see each other

in a softer light.

 

It is here, at the hearth,

that we come home

to each other

and to ourselves.

 

As the amber flames

serenade us,

our bodies and souls sway, soften,

prepare to receive.

 

And when we allow it,

when we answer the call,

the flames stoke the fire

of our own inner divinity.

 

We become our own hearths,

drawing others in, inviting them to sit a while.

We come home to ourselves and to each other.

We cast a softer light.

 

 

 

Solving Conflict in Relationships

Have you ever inadvertently hurt a loved one with your words?

Me, too. Sometimes we act out of frustration, or we’re tired, or irritated by a loved one’s behavior. And when we address the situation, we only make things worse.

Nobody’s going to get it right all the time, but there’s a way to vastly improve your communications with someone and increase your chance of getting the outcome you want. That’s by deciding what you intend to accomplish in terms of the quality of the relationship before you speak. Then choose your words so they’re aligned with that intention.

Lots of times, we’re trying to get a point across to someone we love and instead, we send a message that we don’t respect them, aren’t listening to them, or don’t trust them. Why? Because we’re often focused on our side of the argument or on what the other person did wrong. What would happen if our communication started out of wanting to find a loving solution? What if, instead of being right, we focused on enhancing the relationship?

What’s Your Intention?

Pause for a moment. From a state of calmness, ask yourself: “What do I intend to accomplish in terms of the quality of the relationship?”

How We Spread the Very Things We Hate

The words we use have a ripple effect. They can either spread peace, kindness and compassion, or they can give fuel to the very hatred we’re trying to stop.

In short, we get more of what we focus on. So we can choose to put our words and energy toward the change we want or toward complaining about the problem.

“I was once asked why I don’t participate in anti-war demonstrations,” said Mother Teresa, a missionary who dedicated her life to caring for the sick and poor. “I said that I will never do that, but as soon as you have a pro-peace rally, I’ll be there.”

To get a better sense of what you’re putting out there, try this for the next week:

Before you speak or post something on social media, ask yourself:
✓ Is what I’m about to say focused on a solution or am I inadvertently giving the negativity more air time?
✓ How can I reframe my message so I’m creating meaningful change and helping others do the same?
✓What am I bonding with others over: problems or solutions?

What is Your Center?

In Rise of the Guardians, a 2012 film about a group of guardians that protect children, the Santa Claus character, named North, asks a soon-to-be guardian a question to help him determine what his purpose will be as a guardian.

“What,” asks North, “is your center?”

Each of the guardians has a center. It’s what they each put into the world, and what they protect in children. The Easter bunny’s center is hope, which is shown each spring as eggs, which symbolize new life, appear in abundance after the darkness of winter. The sandman’s is sweet dreams. And the tooth fairy’s center is memories.

North explains that his own center—the core of who he is—lies deep inside of the way the world sees him. On the surface, North is stern and intimidating. But as the layers of his outer self start to peel away, we see North as jolly. Mysterious. Caring. And at his center is the specialness he was born with: wonder. Because of North’s sense of wonder, he sees lights on trees and magic in the air. Wonder is what he puts into the world. It’s the reason he was born, and it’s what he protects in children.

your center

Like North, we all have our exterior identities. But it is our center that gives our life meaning and that points to how we contribute to the world.


Finding Your Center

✓ To help determine your center, sit in a quiet place and list the gifts that you think you give to the world. Maybe you make connections between seemingly unrelated things. Or you’re highly empathetic. What is it about you that’s special? List as many as you can, and then go through the list and circle the five to 10 that call to you.

✓ Then, ask three or four people who know you well what they think your gifts are. Compare their lists with yours. Are any of the gifts included on all of the lists?

✓ After reviewing all of the lists again, write down the three to five gifts that you think best describe you.

 

What my Clients are Saying

Wendy helped me rediscover my sense of purpose

“I had been feeling trapped in my job for a number of years and couldn’t see a way out. Wendy helped me figure out what kind of job would give me a sense of purpose and helped me create a plan to get where I wanted to go. Now that I know what it’s like to get out of bed each day and look forward to work, I’m wishing I had worked with Wendy years ago.” –Kevin C.

Book your session today for help discovering your purpose.


Steer Your Own Ship

steering“We all create the person we become by our choices as we go through life.” So wrote Eleanor Roosevelt in 1960 in You Learn by Living: Eleven Keys for a More Fulfilling Life, a book that remains relevant today.

Ouch. Salt-on-a-cut ouch.

But here’s the thing. There’s no need to focus on the salt, on the sting. Instead, focus on the potential to heal. Because if your choices helped create circumstances that you don’t like, you just have to make different choices to get a different result.

It’s a lot easier to blame our lives on someone else—an ex, a boss, our parents. But when we do that, we’re just perpetuating our misery. So starting today, let’s look at how our actions—or lack of action—contributed to our current situation. And then, let’s steer the boat in another direction.

HOMEWORK:

Ask yourself these questions:

✓ How did I contribute to my present situation?

✓ What can I do differently to get different results?